Course Snippet

The text on this page is taken from Unit 10 of the Certificate in Interpersonal Skills for Volunteers by distance learning course.

Why People Are Not Assertive

There are many different reasons why individuals may respond in a non-assertive way. They include:

Low self esteem and self confidence: Such feelings often lead to individuals dealing with other people in a passive way. By not asserting their rights, expressing their feelings or stating clearly what they want, they invite others to treat them in the same way. Low self esteem is reinforced in a vicious circle of passive responding and reduced self confidence.
Roles: Certain roles are associated with non-assertive behaviour, e.g. low status work roles, or the traditional role of women. Stereotypically, women are seen as passive, while men are expected to be more aggressive. There can be great pressure on people to conform to the roles that are placed upon them.
Past experience: Many individuals learn to respond in a non-assertive way through experience or through modelling their behaviour on that of parents or others.
Stress: Stressful states are often accompanied by the feeling of having little or no control over life's events. Anxious individuals often resort to passive or aggressive behaviour when expressing their thoughts and feelings.
Personality traits: Some people believe they are either passive or aggressive by nature, i.e. that they were born with certain traits and there is little they can do to change their form of response.

Assertiveness Rights and Responsibilities

To be assertive is to understand that everyone has basic human rights that should be respected and upheld. Responding passively allows such rights to be neglected or ignored. In contrast, when behaving aggressively, the rights of others are abused.
What are considered personal rights will vary from person to person, however, an individual's assertive rights will include the following:

The right to feelings, opinions and values.
The right to express what I want or how I feel.
The right to change my mind.
The right to make decisions.
The right to say “I don't know” and “I don't understand.”
The right to say “no” without feeling bad or guilty.
The right to be non-assertive.
The right to be myself.
The right to privacy, to be alone and independent.
(Townend, 1991, pp.7-8)

It is often necessary to balance others' needs against your own. Consideration needs to be given as to when it is appropriate to assert personal rights and when it is not. It should always be remembered that the list of assertive rights applies equally to other people as well as to yourself and, therefore, every individual has the responsibility to uphold and respect the rights of others.

Negotiation and Co-operation

Being assertive does not mean that individual wishes are automatically granted. Assertive behaviour also allows other people to state what they want and they might desire a different outcome. To overcome a conflict, assertiveness requires co-operation and negotiation (covered in Unit 13). Co-operation and negotiation allow all parties to feel that their views have been recognised and that any decisions or outcomes have been reached through mutual understanding.

Reference:
Townend, A. (1991), Developing Assertiveness, Routledge, London

Course Snippet

The text on this page is taken from Unit 10 of the Certificate in Interpersonal Skills for Volunteers by distance learning course.